My brother with Jim on the right, looking rather suspect.

I have a shocking and bitter story for my readers today, this is a story that hits closer to home that I would ever like to admit.  It is the story of my twin brother Gilbert Serrano, many have not heard of him and even my own family will not admit he exist but this is due to the lifestyle he leads.  It all began when Gil was a young man, he went camping with some friends and he never came back the same.  Apparently he was exposed to homosexuality on this excursion by a young boy known as Jim Headinger.  Jim was known as the local bully around town and was known for his love of playing grab ass  with the 5th graders during recess.  I am not sure what took place during that trip but Gil was never the same.

Later in life my brother became a cattle wrangler up in the hills of Virginia where he met a fellow named Biff.  Those two were inseparable whether it was the awkward thanksgiving dinners or the  strange yet amusing Christmas cards.  I believe Biff even introduced my sister to the teachings of Mr Myagi therefore saving her life.  Here goes the story according to Gil;

A homemade postcard from my brother Gil.

“It was a friendship unlike any other, when I first met Biff he was a wrangler by hire who really tried to give me the shaft in exchange for his services.  At first I turned him down but after squatting on it for a few days I gave him a shot.  I’m not sure if it was the way he looked at me or sausage he fed me for breakfast everyday, I was hooked.  Things were not all peaches and string beans though.  Some hunters caught us out there one night whilst imitating our favorite wrestlers and they beat us silly.  They kept calling us Nancy for some reason, I don’t know who this Nancy was but we sure took her beating for her.   I never saw Biff again but sometimes when I look out to the horizon and stare into the sun, my eyes hurt….This reminds me of the shiner I took that camping trip.  I wish him well..”

Readers all I ask is that you remember that you don’t choose your family and you must accept them for who they are.  Whether it is a monk for a sister or a nancy for a brother, family is most important.

Sonya holding her dog Lumpy, he died from cancer the next day.

I hear a fair amount of stories in my line of work, I sometimes hear sob stories, war stories and even the rare bedtime tale.  None have touched me as the story I am about to tell you and unfortunately this one hits close to home.  This is about my sister who shall remain unnamed.  We will just to refer to her as Sonya-Lisa during this article.  Sonya was always a sad young lass whether it was due to her affliction of dwarfism or the many lunches she spent alone.  Lets move on….It all started when she spent her first Christmas without her father who left us.  Money was tight that year so all she could do was hold her dog Lumpy for comfort.  This began her career of no good and general disdain for her father!

Over the years she began a life of criminal activities ranging from holding up old women at bingo games to stealing from my piggy bank.  All I could do was sit idly by and watch the sister I love fall into a deeper and deeper pit of despair.  She finally hit what Pink Floyd would refer to as “The Wall” and found herself surrounded by police after robbing change and stealing the bell from a salvation army volunteer at Christmas.  She was holed up in a dumpster muttering the lyrics to “The little boy that Santa Claus forgot.”

The little girl that Santa forgot hanging with friends Baharupa and Bob.

Some people find religion in a bottle but while in prison my sister found it in the wisdom of Mr Myagi in “The Next Karate Kid” she found the Buddhist monks dancing very spiritual and brought her some sense of fulfillment.  I guess years of being jaded by Santa brought her down this path.  She then ran out and purchased  a mini Buddha and started chanting some stuff she found on Google.  I was never more proud of Sonya after that, she purchased some orange robes from Bed Bath and Beyond and looked up all the information she could on Wikipedia.  She is now a somewhat productive member of society.

You know for some of us The Next Karate Kid was a flop, a film of scorn towards the legacy that Ralph Macchio helped create, but for some of us it can be a guide to inner peace.  A troubled girl fighting against the men in her life who hurt her and coming out on top. My sister is now an expert on Buddhism and can look up quotes and tenants off the web with the best of them. I am proud of my sister and all of her recent accomplishments for the Buddhist community and just wanted to say I love ya sis!

While hunting for a cheese steak I ended up with a shitload of fruit instead.

Me: So…how did you two meet up?

Clits: Well seeing as how he is a bottom I was surprised when he offered to cook for me.  He made my favorite Cantonese Pork Butt! Very firm yet juicy, lets just say High-Ting was in full swing that night.

Me:Oh…Well that is interesting , Mr High Ting what do your parents think of your lifestyle?

High-TIng:  Dadddddyyyy!! Why did you abandon me!! Just because I liked Boy George and had a Ziggy Stardust costume!!!

The product of an unloving father and too much Boy George...

I am sorry to say that the interview ended here as Mr High-Ting started having a mental breakdown.  He spouted off Madonna lyrics then shouted something about how daddy did not love him.  I was quite afraid for my life as he was acting very suspect.  I must say when he reached in his back pocket for a large object I thought it was curtains for me.  Instead I witnessed something much more disturbing……